And Yet Why do I Still?
by Ikari-Tsukasa
Summary: After all this time... after finally getting over the terrible past he had put her through... is it possible that she would fall for his charms yet again?     HSAU


In comparison to other high schools in the region, this one was no different than any other one. It was a completely average run-of-the-mill high school that one could find just about anywhere they looked. Nothing could really be said about this school that would make it jump out… except, of course, the school-wide hubbub that was known only as 'Senior Prom.' Constantly around the hallways were murmurings about who was going with whom, what this guy was going to wear as opposed to the other guy, and of course who was going to eat where. All in all, life was good.

There was, however, one thing that wasn't quite 100% in this small world that so many people inhabited for a brief period of time within their lives (Or perhaps longer, if they didn't have the 'intelligence' or minimum motivation to get their acts together) and that was this – The school's 'bad boy', one of the most cocky students at that school, was offered a dare; to get one of the most mature, nerdy students to take him to the dance. He had originally figured that this would be an easy task, easier than cheating at billiards no less, but there was one problem. The girl everybody was talking about was no other than his ex… and if there was one thing he knew about her was that she could hold a grudge like no other.

Sure, it had been some time since they had gone out, and they both had aged quite nicely (especially those legs of hers, they _really_ grew out nicely…) and, in his eyes at least, he was more mature more of an adult… a changed 'man' for the better. Steeling himself for the rebuttal he knew was coming, the teen allowed his knuckles to brush against the hard oak door before brusquely knocking and sticking his head inside to be greeted by the strange world that was 'Book Club'. "Yo. Crys in here?"

Normally, the school's book club didn't get visitors; it was merely a small tight-knit group of friends whom could easily get through the newest novels in a week, then verbally pull them apart. Crystal liked it there, it was quiet and the company was intelligent… it almost meant an hour a week where she could pretend there _wouldn't_ be any chaos as soon as she stepped out of the room.  
Needless to say, however, the indigo-haired girl was surprised when there was a knock at the door. She was ever the _more_ surprised to see that the visitor was none other than the resident slacker in the academics department. Had the boy _ever_ picked up a book? She highly doubted it… unless it was just another one of those lame picture books he liked to read.

Albeit hesitantly, she got up from her chair and walked to the door where the boy stood, still clutching this week's topical book in her arms. Crystal spoke in a hushed tone, completely monotonous in her attempt to sound uninterested in whatever the boy wanted. She knew that associating with Gold too much normally led to heaps of trouble. "What do you want… Gold?"

He couldn't help but offer her one of those grins of hers. Who knew that nerds carrying books like those schoolgirls on TV could look so cute? Gold invited himself in and softly touched her elbow with the pads of his fingers, causing her to visibly flinch at his touch. "Hey, you know… I realised somethin'. I'm pretty much a hopeless mess when to comes to school… and I need to pass my English class to graduate… and I think you're the best person to come to. You and your uh… er… _club_."

Man, this was solid gold. If she bought it, then he could use his charm to slowly win her back. All he would have to do next is take her to the prom, kick her back to the curb, and then prove to everybody that it was impossible to resist him. Easy day! "If, you know, you don't wanna that's cool too… but I really would like help on my homework 'n stuff. I really miss those old days when we hung out – before all of that Junior High crap came up. I… I miss _you_ Crys…."

She was by no means stupid she _knew_ what he was like, his reputation. Everyone in the club was staring at her and it was horribly embarrassing to know that even after all these years, after she _swore_ to ignore him completely he _still_ knew exactly how she worked. Quite frankly, it infuriated her.

But upon the mention of how things used to be… she couldn't help but think: maybe he really did want to be friends again? After their rather spectacular break in Junior High, she honestly never thought they would talk to each other again, and yet… here he was. "Isn't there _anyone_ else you could ask?" She replied coolly, however much his words did get to her, she most _certainly_ wasn't going to let him see that. One doesn't just shove another away for so long, then expect immediate forgiveness; he would have to _work_ to gain her trust again.

_Damnit_, she was good! Gold could feel the eyes of the other… 'people' there, staring at them… probably with jealous or… or something to that effect and he wasn't about to back down so easily. The teen knew her inside and out, it seemed, for she hadn't change too much since their last conversation all those years ago. He took a step closer to her, and allowed his eyes to melt into hers while his eyebrows knit into confusion. Although Crystal did make the mistake of looking into his eyes, making her rooted to the spot that causing her heart to jump just like it used to, she soon recovered herself.

"You really think people with the smarts anywhere near yours would give me the time of day? I know you're aware of the position I am with my reputation and all that… but _please_ Crys… I… well, you're the only one I know who wouldn't try to screw me over just so they can prove somethin' to the world. I…"  
Gold finally shook his head and removed his hand before taking a step back sighing. "No… forget it. You've made your intentions known. I guess I'll just leave you alone then, hm? Look me up if you need me or somethin'." He turned around, and placed his hand on the doorknob, waiting a bit to make it seem as if he was trying to collect his thoughts before opening the door. "Have a good day, ner-… guys." And with that, he was out the door.

However difficult it was, she had to resist the urge to scoff at his statement; sure _she_ may be not the type to screw him over… but _he_ was, she knew that from experience. She watched him closely as he left the room, very slow in doing so, she mentally added. It seemed as if she wasn't the only one who hasn't changed a bit. But then again… how would helping him study hurt her? Surely there was no way he could twist it into his favour? Perhaps she was over-optimistic that her old friend had indeed returned, but she opened the door and called to his retreating figure.

Wait a second," She said while walking up to him, her face stony and serious. At the sound of her voice, Gold inwardly smirked before turning to face her. Too easy. Hiding the smirk, he offered her a rather melancholy facial expression and saw something he was quite used to – one of the reasons behind their break up those years ago. He just didn't have the patience for that kind of attitude. "If you need help that badly, then I'll give you hand. But-" Her expression turned to that of a scowl "-if I get the _slightest_ impression that you're doing this for different reasons I _will_ make you regret it. I'm not that weak little girl anymore, Gold."

"Never insinuated you were, and… thanks. It means a lot to me, Crystal." Like the gentleman he was, he grasped her hand and brought it to his lips before kissing her knuckles gently. "Meet me after school?" With a look of disgust and a disgruntled noise, the girl wrenched her hand away from Gold as roughly as possible, trying to forget the fact that he'd just used her full name. Her grip on her book tightened visibly, and she rolled her eyes at him. Why exactly was she stupid enough to agree to this again?

"Fine. The school library will still be open for a few hours after classes finish, I'll meet you at the entrance to it… assuming you know where it is? Or have you managed to avoid ever going there in case you might actually _learn_ something?" The girl took a step forward, looking positively murderous. "That way if you try _anything_, I can expose you in front of everyone cramming for their exams, got it?" How she wished he'd slip up now, with all those people watching… she couldn't _wait_.

Man, this girl really _did_ hold a grudge… didn't she? Perhaps Crystal really wasn't so innocent after all…. Somehow, he could feel himself blushing and he shoved his hands in his pockets before glancing away, praying that she wouldn't notice. What the hell was his problem? "The library? Sure, sounds good. And of _course_ I know where it is. I got there to use the computers." When she was close to him again… with that look in her eyes? For some reason he could feel himself getting hyped up. Gold turned his head to gaze into her eyes once more. "That is a bit of a regret that you would think so low of my, Crystal. But, if that's what you really think, then I'll just have to prove you wrong, because you're only human and even super serious humans are wrong sometimes."

Gold rubbed the back of his head. "Yanno, I jus' wish you'd believe that I finally wanna turn over a new leaf. Especially since it's senior year and my life is screamin' at me 'Oi! I'm comin' whether you like it or not!' …yanno?" The teen smiled before going off to leave. "Thanks again, Super Serious Gal." His reactions seemed… different from what she remembered. She half expected him to challenge her remark, see if she really could walk the walk. But I it was almost as if he had surrendered. That didn't seem like him at all…

Perhaps she had been too cold, maybe she was holding an unfair grudge… but she had every _reason_ to build up her walls forty feet high and make them out of reinforced concrete. Anything is better than that time back then…. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought; this was why she avoided him, damnit! Every time she had to talk to him, all those memories came flooding back to her. And when he'd just smiled at her… she'd always liked his smile…. "People don't hold a grudge without a reason, Gold…." She muttered to his retreating form before returning to the book club and being immediately harassed by the female members… and suddenly everything looked all the more like a terrible idea. Well, she could get to the library quickly and secure her defenses easily, she was sure of it!

Gold couldn't help but chuckle to himself whilst walking down the hallways going up to the roof to join his smoking buddies. Now, he didn't particularly _like_ smoking but.. it was just one of the things he got harassed into doing during Junior High… and that had eventually been another reason that had caused The Rift. Once there, he told of his victory over the Unattainable Girl and he managed to make it sound simple – but he assured them that everything _had_ to stay under wraps until the dance... she had threatened to make a public display of him… and he would make it happen… only the other way around. And it all started with the library.  
The rest of school went by without incident, and the coal-haired teen meandered off to the library ready for some heavy studying. 'Why do I have the feelin' this will be more of her naggin' at me than actual studying'?' Crystal herself was waiting patiently for the boy to arrive at the library entrance, looking down pensively whilst leaning against a wall. She had told the girls at the book club exactly how it was, that he just wanted help studying and she still really hated his guts. But somehow… she couldn't help but think that wasn't how they interpreted it. Hopefully they wouldn't gossip about it, the last thing she need was a rumour, especially concerning _him_

Without warning, a rather unpleasant smell wafted over to her, causing her to cough. Looking up in disgust, she saw a certain boy grinning down at her. "You've been smoking." She said, holding her nose. "How does _any_one think stinking like that is a good idea? Then again you never were particularly _bright_…. Let's just get this over with."

He couldn't help but wince before offering a sheepish grin. "If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't me who was smokin'. It was the other guys." Sure, it hurt how badly she was treating him but… maybe he did deserve it. After all he did kind of ch-no…. The past was the past, and that was /way/ in the past. Why the hell would that still matter?

Gold went into the library first and waved at a few of the girls who pretty much swooned over each other when they noticed him and he scouted out for a few of the tables before finding one. "Bingo, there we are. Unless you have a special spot that helps you meditate or...whatever?" The smaller girl trailing behind him rolled her eyes and made a clicking noise at the foolish girls he was waving at. They all scowled at her then, but she took no notice. Hordes of his fan girls stopped affecting her _long_ ago.

She looked up at him icily. "It's called studying Gold, try it more often then you wouldn't be in this mess and I, for one, would be much _happier_" She knew she was being harsh, but she didn't care. He was going to have to realise the meaning of 'Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned' at some point, so why not start now? "This is fine." She set down her bags and books with a heavy sigh. "So… exactly what part of English do you need help on?"

Sitting down, he sighed himself before taking her hands with his. "Look, before we get into all that, I just wanna-…" The teen cleared his throat, "I just want to clear things up, make things okay at least for a little bit. I'm _sorry_, Crystal. Really, I am. I miss you, I miss your smile, your laugh. I'm not… it's not the same without you." He sighed once more before relieving her hands and shaking his head. "But I can already tell that you're probably going to hate my guts until I die. Gold reached into his backpack to the book of the classroom and his notebook. "Anyways, school. We need to write about what we think but… I couldn't get into it so I don't really know what to think. You ever read it, Crys?" The book in his hands was none other than _Of Mice and Men_.

She had flinched again at the contact, this time showing visibly on her face as if something had burnt her. She just had looked at their hands, refusing to look up. If she had… then all her carefully laid defenses, her icy composure… would most likely crumble and melt before her feet… and just when she had thought otherwise, too.

When he let her go, she almost spaced out for a second wondering if she was being _too_ horrible to him, too cold… No! He deserved it! She _had_ to be sure of this… Otherwise, what's to stop her for falling for all the same tricks again? Looking over at his books, she almost cracked a smile, books always had a calming effect on her. "I have read it, but I'm actually doing _Lord of the Flies_. I can still help though; the general essay questions and techniques are similar." He couldn't help but brighten up at that. "_Lord of the Flies_? I've read that! My mom had it in her bookcase and I had accidentally broken my DS because I kept dyin'… anyway, I saw that and picked it up. It was… kind of difficult to understand what was goin' on, I'll admit that, but I really liked it all the same."

Oh Jesus… _now_ who was the nerd? "Er… ahem, anyways. I guess… what are good techniques you use to keep reading a book if you don't find interest in it? Or what would you say about a book like that?" Crys almost did a double take, just then… he sounded _just_ like he did when they were little. When they actually had things in common and just talked all day long about things. The smallest smile could be seen on her lips. "Golding wanted to show people that, without society we are all merely a bunch of savages. Even children, who've no experience of violence and the horrors of the world can descend into something truly frightening…."

She snapped back to her cold, business-like self. "Anyways, it depends on your essay question but there are normally a couple of key scenes that you need to analyse in detail and then the rest of the book is background knowledge to boost your marks. So, if you just read those scenes and the parts relating to them and then read a synopsis of the book, you should be alright." Gold studied her carefully, watching the way her mouth formed the words she spoke, how when mentioned something they had both read she had smiled… His heart began to thump rather hard in his chest as she spoke that small tidbit… and it was all business after that.

"Th-thanks, Crys. That's actually really good advice, thank you." He was enraptured with her all over again. Oh no… this was bad. If he fell into what he had before, that would make things much more difficult. "I'm… really glad you said 'yes'…. To be honest I didn't think you would, but I'm glad, you're the only person I know who would've been able to explain it so well…." Gold laid his head on the desk and looked up at her, frowning. "You probably think I'm some sort of monster… don't you?" She frowned; he was starting to act strange. After all this time… to suddenly bring it up _now_? He'd never cared what she thought about him before… quite the opposite in fact, the more she hated him the more he seemed to enjoy it.

And she could think of a dozen people off the top of her head that'd be able to explain this to him. The top of the list being Silver, who'd quite frankly do _anything_ to avoid shopping with Blue… so why her? "Why are you doing this Gold?" She said after a small pause "You wait _all_ this time, and then suddenly out of the blue you _want_ to tlak? Do I think you're a monster? No I don't. But-" She looked at him directly, hoping the words would show much she'd hurt back then "You _really_ don't want to know what I _do_ think of you. I am solely here because I know it's' the right thing to do, not because I _want_ to."

He winced, before standing up and grabbing his things – the pain evident from both his eyes and the way he carried himself. "Then I guess I won't bother you from here on out." The teen sighed and glanced over at her. "You're right, Crystal. Absolutely. I should have made much more of an effort to talk to you but…" He couldn't help but smile at himself. "I was scared." And with that said, he walked out of the library… he knew how to contact him if it were necessary. Crys watching motionless as Gold left the room rather quickly, and it seemed as if she had struck a chord. She really _had_ gone too far that time, hadn't she? She felt… guilty… for the boy who had left her in pieces.

"You were scared to talk to me, huh?" She mumbled "And here I was… too scared to even _look_ at you…."  
She could feel the glares of the other girls in the room, who'd obviously been listening to their conversation and so it was time to make her leave, too. She smiled bitterly; she'd probably be the most hated girl in school by tomorrow. Just like old times… Crys took out her cellphone and started texting: 'i went too far ): sorry, if you need anymore help just tell me' her finger lingered over the button before taking a deep breath and pressing send.

Gold himself was on his way to tell the boys that that was _it_. The dare was off… until his phone chirruped at him. Oh-ho, what was this? The teen read the text, then again and again and again. He got his fingers texting as quickly as possible 'thatd b gr8 but u thnk we kn tlk 1st? clr ^ th air.' He was about to send it… then sighed. There was no way she'd respond to _that_. 'thatd be awesome, but do you think we can talk first? Clear the air up a bit?' There. Much better.

Just as she was about to put her phone back, it vibrated in her hand. She looked at it disbelievingly, since when did he text in a form that she could actually read? He seemed rather adamant that they talked, and with a sigh she replied solely with 'fine.' She hoped that this would give him _some_ indication that she wasn't happy with this. Crystal would hear him out… but that didn't mean she had to _listen_

When Gold received her text, happiness filled him.. and it was something he hadn't felt anything close to in a long while. 'I know that this is probably stupid or silly but id really like to talk soon. how bout as soon as you can stomach me? :3' There, perhaps a joke would get her to smile a bit. Sure, he wouldn't know she had smiled, but it was nice enough to think of the possibilities. Perhaps… he'd be able to save this friendship yet. Crystal hadn't even bothered to try to put her phone back; she knew the boy would reply faster than she thought possible. Sure enough, her phone buzzed in her hand once more.

"He's cheered up considerably…" She muttered, before typing in her repy. 'I don't care, whenever. As long as it doesnt clash with my work at the local daycare. You the time times I go there.' The sooner the better, quite frankly, then she could go back to the important stuff like her exams and taking care of Rald without having to feel guilty over Gold… and when the affirmation was concerned, that only left an hour for the day to plan ahead because he _knew_ she would want to get out of there ASAP. 'then well get it done right now. might as well right?' He was nervous… very nervous. If he didn't turn things around right then and there, he could kiss prom with her goodbye and his dare officially lost.

Once again she'd only managed to take a couple of steps before Gold had replied, and whilst walking she texted him back again. 'fine. Ill be at the school entrance' pressing send once more, she dropped her phone in her pocket and picked up the pace. She didn't really have a massive amount of time to waste. Earl couldn't really mange without her at the daycare. However… Crys _was_ curious on what, exactly, he was going to say to her… after all this time, what on Earth could he be hoping to accomplish?

Humming a little tune to himself, he ran off after grabbing his scooter. He realised that he was probably going to mange to screw this up but he had to know… he _had_ to. Jumping out of the door and landing on his feet (having now skipped the stairs) he impatiently glanced around, unable to see her. "Okay Crys… where _are_ you?" The girl in question arrived a few moments after Gold did, opening the door and briskly walking down the stairs to meet him. She didn't wave or give any greeting; after all she was the only person there so there was no need.

When she was within a reasonable distance, she spoke up. "You have an hour before I go to work, I hope you know where to tread carefully." She had a _really_ bad feeling about this… exactly how much school had she missed after that mess? She didn't want to go through with that again. His golden eyes regarded her in one of the most serious looks he could muster to let her know that he completely understood that this wasn't fun and games… that he knew what he was doing.

"Before we start, I want you to _completely_ tell me how you feel. Don't worry about how you think it'll affect me because I _know_ you need it off your chest. You haven't told anybody yet, have you? After all of these years? So why not just tell the source of the implications – let the person whom has caused you such problems from his malicious actions know the error of his eyes. I _need_ to know.

He really wanted to know? Well, it was about time she told someone other than herself. Crys took a deep breath before slowly letting it out and looking up at the taller boy, she broke into a small frown. "Honestly? I didn't just feel broken, I _was_ broken. I was the toy you threw against the wall after deciding you didn't need me anymore because you had gotten new flashy ones, the one that _looked_ plastic… but was really porcelain and smashed into a thousand pieces upon impact… and has taken years to pick them back up again and carefully glue them back together so it can pretend to carry on as normal."

She was beginning to become hysterical… she need to _stop_…. "Do you know what made it worse? That after all of it, _I_ was pegged the bad guy and _you_ were the poor innocent victim! That year I went through Hell, you were all high and mighty while I was cleaning my defaced locker, called every name in the book, pulled apart by your fan girls… even _Rald_ got dragged into it. Tell me Gold, what exactly did I do to make you retaliate like _that_? Or perhaps, despite how long we knew each other, is it possible that I don't know you at all?"

She stopped herself then, she had to. Anymore and… she might say something about her deeper feelings. Those that still lingered weakly… those that she had locked up and threw away the key to. And Gold? Gold was in complete shock. He.. he hadn't been aware of any of that. Heart beat now dropping to an all-time low, he softly brushed the hair out of her face.

"Crys… whatever happened… happened because of other people. I would _never_ tell them to hurt you like that. What happened was my own fault, not yours. You shouldn't have been messed around like that and the fact that they dragged Emerald into it? If I had _know_ I would have _done_ something. I loved the little guy, still do. He's a sweet kid." Gold tried to offer her a smile, but it was hard… damned hard. She was in far more pain than he had originally thought. "If I had known what would've happened, I would've kept everything on the down low… you really shouldn't have been pegged as the bad guy because that's not what happened, and we both know that the victim in all of this… is you."

The boy sighed, and brought her to hug him knowing full well how dangerous this was. "But I know you're holding more in, Crystal. I know how you are. Dig your nails into my arms if it helps but you need to get all of it out, even if it's the smallest thing if we're to work through this. I helped you get into this mess and now I want to help you get out. Please let me help you…."

Crys balled up her fists and clutched his shirt with them. She was starting to feel how she did back then, when everything was good… but she couldn't allow this to happen, as she had told herself over and over again she was over this, she had recovered already. Crys paused, she really wanted to push him away, to stay strong and say she'd moved _on_… but she hadn't and she felt so weak at the moment. "…Gold, I'm going to ask again. Why are you doing this? I've picked myself up, started again and you were never dropped. Why are you reopening these old wounds? They _hurt_…." She looked anywhere but at his face, she _couldn't_ look there. He was not going to have her crumble at his feet so bloody easily. "I'm not holding back _anything_ that you need to know."

Gold lightly kissed the top of her head before whispering softly, "Because I know that they're infected… and I'm trying to allow them to heal properly." And so he held her for a while as he tried to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. "Are you _absolutely_ sure that there is _nothing_ else you need to say? I don't care how painful it will be to hear it, we need to get all of the infected areas out before the real healing can begin." And he held her in his arms and he rested her cheek on the top of her and and her scent… oh _God_ her _scent_ almost made tears to his eyes… and it was then he realised just how much he had truly missed her.

However, at feeling his lips upon her head… her defenses were failing. No, she had to do _something_ it'd merely been a day with him and she was already almost completely crumbled. Why on Earth did he have that effect on her? And why wasn't she immune yet? Crys could feel tears then, and she briskly shook her head. "No! I won't tell you anymore, I _can't_ tell you. I've healed myself…." She began to softly mumble into his shirt, "Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me. You've given me _know_ reason to suddenly trust you. Can you even give me a reason to, Gold?"

He pulled away and tipped her chin up to cause her to look at him… so she could see the tears that were in _his_ eyes. "Because I _love_ you, Crystal. Goddamnit, I don't know how or why but I still _do_." And there was so much pain and yearning in his voice, it scared him… and it was then that he knew he had to call the dare off. Not only would it not be fair to her (especially if she found out), if he was to bring Crys to the prom, it would be because he _wanted_ to.

Crystal couldn't look away from his eyes, he looked so serious… so sad. Was he really hurting as much as she did? She was gobsmacked, she waited for a few moments just to see if his expression would turn into a sneer and the Gold she hated returned… but no, his expression remained the same… an if anything, it got sadder. She had to do something, so she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into the tightest hug she could muster at that moment. "How do you always do this to me so easily, damnit?" She whispered into his ear. "I've… always loved that about you…."


End file.
